Out of the Closet

Come over here and let me introduce you to a couple of friends of mine.



These boots have been just sitting in my closet for a couple of years now. I know they look long, but they're only a size 9 (like THAT'S small). I bought them on sale for around $25 (marked down from around $100). Allow me to show you WHY these shoes have been in the closet.



Uh huh.

See, before I bought the shoes, I tried them on and walked around the store to make SURE that I could walk in them. Even though they were on sale, I didn't want to waste money buying shoes I couldn't walk in. AND the shoes were marked "All sales final", so I couldn't return them after I bought them. I was quite impressed with how well I could walk in them.

But alas, walking on the carpeted floor for a couple of minutes DOES NOT COMPARE to walking on CONCRETE. I wore them the day after I bought them, ONLY WALKED TO MY CAR, and had to go back in the house to take them off. The balls of my feet were on FIRE. They've been in the closet ever since.

I couldn't just let these shoes hang out in the closet and not be worn, so I went on a mission a couple of days ago to find a solution.

What I REALLY needed to do was hang out with a pack of fierce drag queens. Yes, Honey. They could teach a girl how to walk in these boots. Put me through "Boot Camp".

Since I don't have access to a pack of drag queens, I went online to try to find some shoe inserts. This is what I found:



It's a shoe insert called Insolia, developed by a fancy-schmancy scientist who knew that simply inserting pads designed to absorb shock at the ball of the foot wouldn't solve the problems women have wearing high heels.

These doohickeys shift some of the weight to the heel so that the ball of the foot doesn't take most of the pressure.

I bought them at CVS pharmacy for $9.99. THEY WORK, LADIES. My feet don't hurt walking in the shoes, and my ankles don't feel like they're going to implode.

(Please don't tell the drag queens I needed *gasp* inserts to walk in my heels. They're all gonna laugh at me. Drag queens don't need such things to walk in their heels.)