Monday, March 30, 2009

Tomorrow's MY Birthday!

Tomorrow is my 36th Birthday. I proudly say my age because I have worked hard to keep myself alive for this long. Having crossed over 35, I guess I can now say that I'm "in my late thirties".

I have learned a thing or three during these 36 years.

(1) I do not have a prostate. I would like to thank those of you who sent me e-mails reminding me of the fact that I couldn't possibly have one of those. For I am a girl.

(2) I can't knit every damn thing I see. My Ravelry queue is a reminder of that. So, I just knit the things that move me and don't stress about it.

(3) It's not me, it's you. This is true for whoever I have a problem with in life. If it is in fact me, then I'm going to pretend it's still you.

(4) All boys are not stupid. Nor do they all have cooties. However, one must sift through the stupid, cootie ridden boys to find the good ones. Like my Snookums. He's not stupid. And he don't got cooties. SCORE!

(5) Life is more fun with a dog. Specifically dogs named Smokey Thelonious Reeves. Especially when he does fun stuff like innocently approach the yarn basket with the expensive yarn and grab a ball with his teeth. Like it's OK. Never touches the cheap acrylic. I think it must be because the other stuff smells like an animal, making it much more appealing. It's amazing that he tells me exactly what he needs without speaking a word of English. Need food? How about I just drag my empty bowl to this lady and drop it at her feet to let her know that she sucks when it comes to taking care of my basic needs. Want a head rub? Why, let me slam my head onto her lap and give her the "puppy eye".

(6) Obsessions are ok. As long as they don't involve creepy stuff.

(7) It's ok that I am already starting to think of the outrageous things I'm going to say to people when I get old. I'll be able to get away with it because I can just blame it on being old.

(8) It's important to have a task force in place to help keep me young. I've started to assign tasks to folks in case I start going downhill. Snookums' main job is to keep me from wearing old lady clothes when I am, indeed, an old lady. I want to be a young, hip, old lady. He understood that to mean that he shouldn't allow me to wear big panties when I get older. So, he immediately assigned himself the task of burning every pair of bloomers I bring into the house. Apparently I'll be wearing thongs until I'm 95. I don't mind that so much. I just think they might be a bit uncomfortable if I have to wear Depends. Maybe the folks at Depends should design some thongs...for those of us who are young at heart.